It's very late..but I don't sleep

It's very late here, 1:30 in the morning and I know I should be asleep.  The house is finally quiet and that noisy little toddler who decided sleeping from 7 to 10:30 as the perfect amount of nighttime rest has finally stopped protesting and gone to sleep.  Even the radiator which for some reason stays active all night so all I hear when I do try to sleep is gurgling water is quiet. 

And yet I am not.

Several days ago, I made the ultimate error of checking my email while everyone was on Space Mountain and I waited outside with the Chick.  It's frustrating how much one person can can create such an overwhelmingly bad feeling swell inside me.  It's a rather long story and those who knew me during the time know what I am talking about but for those who don't here's the short version.

Chick is adopted.  She's been with our family since August 2007.  Adopting a child is fraught with a lot of excitement, frustration, longing, paperwork, bureaucracy, hope.  When the people in charge of helping you fulfill a dream of bringing a child into your family don't give you support, understanding, compassion, communication, really any shred of hope to cling to, it's hard.  Beyond hard.  I'm choosing not to mention our agency for many reasons, least of which it's in the past.  Or was until a few days ago.  

My daughter has been in my family for 18 months.  We did everything right, correct and as we were told.  We completed our requirements of three visits with a social worker at the appropriate intervals after bringing her home, and long before Christmas last year we sent a bound book of pictures to Chick's orphanage so her caretakers could see she is loved, happy and secure.  Just as she had been loved and happy there.

What pain, a true physical, heart wrenching pain to see that little girl at 15 months taken from the only life she had ever known.  She'd been in the orphanage since birth.  Caretakers cried, the baby cried, I cried.  But in the end after a very long and difficult road, Chick is just as she is meant to be.  With us, in our family and spunky as they come.

So to receive an email from our agency stating we did not "fulfill our obligation" as they put it, brought up all the bad from the 14 months we spent dealing with them.  A report of the final post placement we have been told was never received by them.  Our social worker is not a flake, an idiot nor irresponsible.  In fact she's an extremely bright and kind woman.  She would not forget to mail the report.  It will have been a year in a few weeks since the last visit.  And yet now they claim the report is missing.  We dealt with this in June as well.  Another report was sent then to ease their minds.  And now they lost it again.  

And it just brings up so much bad stuff in me.  It's wrong to hate, somewhere deep down I know this.  But it is so hard in this case not to feel hate for the mess this agency has made of our experience.  We'll never adopt again because of it.  That's just really sad to me.  I wanted that to be a decision that was made because it wasn't right for our family.  Not because of an experience that I do pray no else has to go through.

The hard part is that while Chick may be ours she really isn't.  Chick or Chickadee isn't really her name of course (I am not that mean of a mother) but her name also isn't the name we've given her either.  Because of where we live we can not readopt her until we are residents of the US again which allows us to change her name.  Her name is still the name that the orphanage or maybe her birthmother gave her.  I don't know who named my daughter.  I don't know why they chose the Chinese characters they did.  What meaning they may have.  I wish I could have a good relationship with the agency who placed her with us so I could ask this and a lot of other questions that at the time when a wiggly 15 month whose picture you've been staring at for 8 months is placed in your arms... well those questions tend to fly straight of your mind and the only thing you can think is My God isn't she so tiny and beautiful?

I hope someday this will finally be over for us now.  I hope that this time it really will be. 

Is it Friday?

I hate to say I am in a time warp but I am.  That's the hardest part about coming back from a vacation, especially when there is a 6 hour time difference involved.  I get completely lost on what day it is.  

Make sure to click the iPod music thing at the side for matching music for today's theme!

But it is Friday.  And of course that means... Candid Carrie's Photo Friday!  And What Are You Wearing? at Tiara's and Tantrums.  Pull up a chair and link up everyone for some Friday fun.

Today I'm going Pirate!  For Candid Carrie's Photo Friday I give you the Pirate themed rooms at the Disney World Caribbean Beach Resort (Trinidad South building).  It was amazing right down to the carpet that looked like planks of a ship deck.  Even the shower had the Flying Dutchman Ship carved into the wall.  The pirate beds were a huge hit with the kids and me.  It didn't cost any extra but you do have to specify that you want to stay in a pirate themed room.

This shirt was something I found in Nassau and could not resist.  It's not my normal type of shirt but really, who wouldn't like it?  My daughter may not come near my with her Pirate fear (though she rode on Pirates of the Caribbean with no problems) but it's on the back so she might not be too upset.  I am not actually wearing it today because it's about 35 degrees and it's short sleeved but I just had to share.

Arg Matey's!  Have a wonderful Friday!

Disney Rocks - the short version

Disney Wonder Ship and Disney World have got to be the happiest most wonderful places on the planet.  Never have I seen such smiles on my kids faces.  The bare details are below in the form of a few of the over 350 pictures we took in the last seven days.  

I also seem to have inherited a bit of an internal sway in the past week thanks to living on a large moving vessel for several days, though thankfully no throwing up occurred.  At first not being able to walk down the hallway in a straight line was amusing, charming.  The second day the kids thought mommy was pretty funny when she sat at the dinner table swaying side to side completely sober.  But now?  I'm still swaying anytime I'm in an enclosed small or dark room. Or sitting here typing this.  So, as soon as I can get the house to stop moving, I'll be back. 

Click the image for a larger view and soon a link to more Disney pictures than you ever possibly wanted to see.

I'll miss seeing all these guys around every bend, always incredibly willing to stop and spend a few minutes with me (or my kids)

I miss my 3 pm chicken strips snack (in addition to my regular three squares a day on the ship).

Getting a tattoo with my seven year old (temporary ones of course!)

The warm sunny weather (back to dreary rainy Germany)

Two On Tuesday with Blogging Mama

It's the vacation edition of Two on Tuesday with Blogging Mama!  I thought it would be fun to ask two vacation related questions today since I am on vacation.  If you are new to Two on Tuesday this is how it works.  On Tuesday I'll toss out two questions, two thoughts, TWO of something.  If you want to play along you can either answer in the comments or take the questions (and my nifty button) and put the answers on your own site.  Please let me know if you do so I can stop by and see your answers.  I always share the link love if you do as well.

 

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Today's questions are about vacations and summer related things.  It's easy, simple and (hopefully) fun so play along!

What the best vacation you've ever been on?  If you don't have a favorite, where would you like to go on vacation and why (dream big!)?

It's a hot July afternoon, how would you spend the day?

My answers:  You probably think I'll say Paris , with my absolute love of all things French, or Italy because it was one of the best summers of my young life but my favorite vacation was to Ireland three years ago.  The beauty of the place just captivated me.  The hills with rolling green and the sea with it's brilliant blue made me wish I could live there.  The people were so friendly and welcoming and who doesn't love a good accent?  I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did driving from Kerry to Dingle on this tiny little road (on the wrong side of the road!) with Hubby and his family.  The beauty of the scenery even made me forget to get carsick. Dingle is definitely a place not to miss if you ever get to Ireland.

Road to Dingle

If it's a hot afternoon I'd want to be at the lake at my parents house in Idaho.  It's the perfect place to laze away a day lounging on the boat and watching the water and boats pass by the marina or get out of the slip and head out onto the lake and find our own private spot to relax. Admittedly it was an ideal way to spend a childhood.  There isn't a single memory of the lake or camping that isn't a good one.  I hope my kids will remember the times we've gone there with fondness as well.

So tell me, how would you have answered Two on Tuesday this week?

Meanderings of the mind: Poetry on a quiet Saturday

(This post brought to you by scheduled blogger.)

Build me a sandcastle

strong, sturdy and full of light.

Build me a sandcastle

hollow, empty and alone in the night.

Build me a sandcastle

from your imagination.

At the end of time

will it be that it matches mine?

Poetry is such a personal choice.  Everyone likes something different.  It can be a simple poem or something complex.  Something that moves the reader or reminds them of a long lost experience.  During college in my literature class we were asked to write a 'hidden' poem where we did not reveal what it is we wrote about within the poem.  I remember being nervous about this.  How could I write a poem but not say what I was writing about?  I sat after work and wrote my piece over and over trying to put the best I had inside down on the paper.  The exercise turned out to be very good for me.  I wrote a beautiful little poem, at least to my mind, and when my professor read it out loud the class had to guess at the hidden item we wrote about.

I sat nervously because surely I was blushing crimson at the words they discussed, my words.  I had chosen not to write about something trivial or unimportant.  I wrote about something painful and deeply personal so what they said had significant meaning to me.  The poem was well received and in the end I admitted to having written it.  I am sure the poem itself is buried amongst papers somewhere in a storage container and I'll come across it again one day.  I wish I could remember some of what I had written.  The subject I remember was a white dress.

I love poetry.  Several poems in particular I have always loved.  They inspire me to think, to draw on inspiration for my own writing here and elsewhere.  The poem below has been a favorite since I read it in college.

Ask Me by William Stafford

Some time when the river is ice ask me

mistakes I have made.  Ask me whether

what I have done is my life.  Others

have come in their slow way into

my thought, and some have tried to help

or to hurt: ask me what difference

their strongest love or hate has made.

I will listen to what you say.

You and I can turn and look

at the silent river and wait.  We know

the current is there, hidden; and there

are comings and goings from miles away

that hold the stillness exactly before us.

What the river says, that is what I say.

Do we openly discuss our mistakes and recognize them for what they are?  Have we acknowledged those who have hurt or helped us?  We can know the current is there inside us even when no one can see it.  It lays hidden inside us waiting to burst forth and overrun the banks of the river.  Do you have an inner dam or a simple leak inside?

On the wall in a classroom in middle school was another interesting poem I remember reading over and over and searching out the meanings inside of the words especially in the last three lines.

 

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Have you walked the road less traveled in life?  I could say that I have and have not.  I have not always done what was expected of me.  And in many ways I have.  I did not chose that less traveled path.  The reasons are mine alone to know.  What would you say looking back five or ten years from now? Would your answer have changed?  What have you read that changed your life?

I leave you with a fun little ditty I thought up while waiting for my son to come out of school last week.

I sit. I wait.

I know that eventually I will see you.  I never know how soon or when 

but hope never leaves me.  The silver surface shines 

and the suns reflection blinds me as it bounces to my eyes.

I look again and still I don't see you.

Where have you gone my dear?

When are you to return?

Again, I sit.  I wait.

Is that...?

Yes, it is.  The red blinking light.

You've returned at last.

(Can you guess what the last one was about?)

The things we collect: A memo from the management

What do you collect?  Paintings, pictures, figurines; something old, something new?  There are so many things to collect but the things that occupy me the most are thoughts.  I collect thoughts and words.  Sometimes they are words of joy and sorrow, thoughts of loneliness and hope.  There are too many thoughts that want to escape my brain to mention here.

I’ve been lighthearted, grumpy, funny, and sarcastic.  I’ve been thoughtful, thought provoking.  I’ve blogged the trivial, the mundane, the inane and the insane.  My favorite posts have been ones where others have commented that I was funny or thought provoking.  I provided some entertainment value to their day or enhancement to their morning or evening.  This goal is a tough one – to find someone who enjoys what you write.  I am reading a great series of posts on another blog about following and followers and doing it because you enjoy reading what someone else wrote.  Don't just click my button and follow.  Follow because you want to read what I write and you enjoy reading here.  I spent some time looking through my own blogs that I follow and realized some people I followed way back in the beginning of the "following" for no real reason.  I've realized I should follow you if I want to read you.  So I took myself off some lists because there was no need for me to be there. If I lose a few people that's okay.  I really do only want to have people here who want to be here.  Likewise if I follow you I usually comment as time allows.  Not every time or maybe not even every week but I do read.  For me a lot depends on when you post, if you're posting early morning here or afternoon that's when I'm online, so I tend to comment more often then.  I try to make my comments thoughtful and interesting.

For me there is no greater compliment than being told that what I have written made someone laugh or think.  I want to do more of that.  Perhaps that will move this blog beyond it’s original purpose of three years ago when I created it.  I created this blog (and it’s former incarnation SAHMinBonn) as a way to document our journey across the ocean to a land unknown and to let family know we didn’t perish in the process.

It has become my place to connect, to understand, to learn, to laugh, to feel less alone in this sometimes very lonely expatriate life.  It is my place to express thoughts, and myself, even when both are crazy.  I’ve enjoyed putting it all out there for others to read.  I found amazing support during our move, our adoption that took pretty much every bit of faith out of me, two hospital stays for Boo and many various issues including weird trash collection rules, support for problems with schools and teachers and being robbed the first night in our new neighborhood.  You've helped me up when I've fallen down (without laughing at me too much) and often told me 'this too shall pass'.  

Without you, the readers, there would be no Blogging Mama.  I thank you for stopping by, saying hello and sharing my day.  I'll be sure to catch an extra ray of sun tomorrow for you and build a sandcastle in your honor.

You'll find a few scheduled posts popping up here while I am off lazing around in the sun sipping ice tea or screaming my lungs out on Space Mountain (hopefully Boo will be willing to hold my hand). 

Please stop by a favored blog today and tell them just how much you’ve enjoyed reading their words.  And hey, see that little thing over there on the right called 'Some Fascinating People Follow This Blog' ?  Some truly fascinating people do read here and I appreciate it.  Pop over and check them out, you won't be sorry you did.  If you're a lurker, leave a note in the comments.  I always enjoy meeting new people.  I do read all the comments and I do my best to stop by and say hi within a few days.  I'm back to being connected on or about the 26th, so I hope everyone has a great week!

Two On Tuesday with Blogging Mama

It's time for Two on Tuesday with Blogging Mama.  Thank you to the whole two people who played last week!  If you want to play along please do so either in the comments or on your own site.  You can add my swell button to your blog if you like.  

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Here's how Two on Tuesday works.  On Tuesdays I'll ask two questions or tell you about two things, the theme is TWO of something.  I hope you'll want to play along!  Let me know if you link me to your site so I can stop over and say hello (and give you free linky love).

Today's Two on Tuesday:

Tell me about something you collect.  It can be weird, normal whatever.  What do you collect?  If you don't collect anything what would you collect if you could?

If you could spend an afternoon talking face to face with one (or two) other blogger(s) who would it be and why?

My answers:  I collect books.  There are books on all four floors of my house.  It's kind of out of control and somewhere in a storage facility in Baltimore with the rest of my furniture are more books.  My dream would to be locked in a Barnes and Noble overnight.  I definitely miss not having a library nearby as it was one of my favorite places to go in the past.  

If I had extra money I'd also collect Carltonware Walking Cups.  I have no idea why I love them so much but I do.  I have yet to buy one but maybe someday.

The second one I don't want to answer because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings if I don't pick them.  :) But if I had to pick someone (forced at gunpoint or something) I'd have to pick Tisra at LifeTrain because she was such a wonderful support during my adoption and she lives in a cool town.  Plus she's a very gifted artist, be sure to check out her Etsy shop if you stop by.  

I'd also pick Crash at Crash Test Dummies.  She lives in Hawaii and she knows Jack Johnson.  Plus she's wicked funny.  If you visit her be sure to check out her comment box, that's where the fun happens.  She hosted a slumber party in her comment box a few weeks ago and it was the wildest, funniest party I've ever been too.

So tell me, how would you have answered Two on Tuesday this week?  

Check out these awesome bloggers who are participating!  Thanks everyone! (If I can get enough of you I'll get a Mr Linky set up in the future.)

First up: C N Heidelberg She collects something pretty interesting!

Debbie collects books too!  And she'd meet everyone if she could.

Valerie (aka my big sis) played along but her blog is private sorry!

Youngblood4ever has some great collections (wahoo!) and some cool bloggers she'd like to meet.

Missty is playing too!

Not Me Monday!

It's Not Me Monday! over at MckMama's.  Please click the button below to see who else is playing this week.

Here is what I did not do this week:

I did not say Sugar Honey Ice Tea in front of my two year old when her passport fell behind the big heavy dresser.

I also did not exclaim loudly as to why we have to bring both of her passports even though she's now a US citizen.  

I didn't shove way more into the washing machine than was a good idea just so I wouldn't have to wait through another 2 hour and 15 minute cycle.

I didn't trip over the open suitcase on the floor 500 times while packing.

I did not leave buying travel size toiletries until the very last minute.

I did not have to go to two grocery stores on Saturday night because the first was literally out of meat.  No chicken, no steak, no nothing.  I am not not kidding.

I did not spend hours on the internet getting my 'fix' because soon I'll be going through internet detox for eight days.

I also did not freak out about that.

I did not figure out how to sneak my blackberry into the diaper bag without anyone seeing it.

I did not stare at the trunk of my car trying to figure out how we were going to fit three suitcases, three backpacks, and a stroller in there.  I did not wonder if the kids could ride on the roof.

I did not spend far too much time making a vacation playlist for my ipod.  I also didn't find yet another album I'd love to buy.

I did not pack two notebooks, a journal, three pens and two books.

I also did not think at all about throwing up on this cruise.  Because I do not get seasick at all!

Having said all that I am also not thrilled to be going on a non-visiting family vacation (even though my parents will be there) to somewhere warm.  (If you are an expat you'll understand that visiting family is anything but a vacation.)

I am not thrilled to be spending the next eight days in the presence of Mickey Mouse and Goofy. 

I did not let my son skip three days of school to go on vacation even though he's on holiday the week after.

I did not purposefully plan this vacation to avoid another year of German Karneval celebrations.

I did not tell all of you all of that either.  Nope, cause it's Not Me Monday!

So tell me what did you not do this week?

HTML For Dummies (or regular bloggers like me)

I got a comment on my Not Me Monday post when I said I wasn't proud of how long it took me to create a little button for my blog.  Kelly at Song For Whoever suggested a little post on html for the average blogger.  So here you go Kelly, this is for you.

I found the best place to start was Picnik.com.  You can upload a photo of what you want to make into a button.  You can add effects such as boost, sepia tones, cross color, soften; there are a lot of different options.  Seeing as I know me, I upgraded to the premium package for $24.99 a year.   I am an addict to these sorts of sites.  It's like photoshop without the horrendous price tag.  You can add text with a huge list of different types such as Script, Marker, all the usual types found in Word,  Pupcat, Burst My Bubble and the list goes on and on.  There's even one called Steak.  There are stickers and touch-up, resizing and cropping, frames and something called "Sandbox".  Lots and lots of different choices.  Pick a picture and start playing until you come up with what you like and want to use.  

I'd wait but trust me if you visit you could be there for hours so I'll move on with the lesson.

Then you need to link up the picture and make it a button.  This what you need to do:

Size your image to about 150x150 or 125x125 depends how big you want it to be.  Play around with it.  Then you need to insert the links to your website and the picture into the code.  I found this tutorial by my web designer Shauna at Blogs and Web Design by Shauna.  Go here to see what you need to do (I don't want to cut and paste without permission, I'd rather just link you.)  Her site is moving so I apologize if this link is eventually lost.  You'll find she has a few free help sections for this sort of thing which are great. And text box creation is going to be a free tutorial option soon too, cool.

Now the hard part (for me anyway).  HTML.  And I usually misspell that.  The text box that appears underneath.  For that I went to Tips For New Bloggers a great site where you can input your question and it pops up the likely answer.  Hyperlinks and Images is where to start.  It is a two part process so be sure to also grab the second lesson.  You also need to host your image someplace.  Picnik will let you save it to Photobucket, Flickr and a few other places.  I used Photobucket because of Flickrs rules about the image pointing to your photo album.  I didn't want that.  I am not going to cut and paste the info from the Tips site because I don't know if that is allowed.  So just visit the links, read and reread and hopefully you'll create a neat little button of your own.   

Don't feel dumb if it doesn't work, takes you forever or you consume every bit of chocolate in the house while doing this.  I know how I felt at 11:30 at night trying to decipher what the heck they were talking about.  It's not easy if your brain is anything like mine and not inclined towards the entire math and computer code world.  Which I find hilarious because my last job 7 years ago before my mommy gig?  Accounts payable.  I can't even balance a checkbook without screwing up but yet I am gifted with accounting software.  Kinda freaky...

 

Good luck to you and if you create a button please let me know.  I'd love to visit and see what you've come up with.  This was my creation.  You can make one too.

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The non Valentines day

We don't do Valentines day in our house but on the way home from the store my baby boy bought me these.  Awww :)

Reading With Blogging Mama

I figured it was a good time for another edition of Reading With Blogging Mama.  You can see the previous recommended books here RWBM or click the reading button above in the navigation bar.  Since we are going on a nice warm 80 degree weather type of vacation on Wednesday it's the perfect time for some good beach reads!  They are not lighthearted (ie trashy romance) but books I've had on the shelf for a bit now just waiting to be read.  But frankly I've been too dang busy to read at all lately.  

I'm actually going to put up three books.  Two I plan to take with me for the trip.  The third book is one I just really like and want to tell you about.

The first book:

Night Train to Lisbon by Pascal Mercier.  From the back cover:

When, one afternoon, mild-mannered and middle-aged Classics scholar Raimund Gregorius walks out of his classroom while giving a lesson, his impulsiveness surprises him as much as it does his students.  This break from his hitherto predictable routine is inspired by two chance encounters-the first with a mysterious Portuguese woman, and the second with a book that he discovers in a dusty corner of an old bookshop, which contains the thoughts of an enigmatic

Portuguese aristocrat.  With the book as his talisman, Gregorius boards the night train to

Lisbon on a journey to find out more about its author, Amadeu de Prado: who was the man whose words both haunt and compel him?

Hurtling through the dark, Night Train to Lisbon is a rich tale, wonderfully told, propelled by the mystery at its heart.

Sounds fabulous right?  I thought so.  I bought this all the way back in September when I went to Bremen.  And I read a bit but got distracted with class and writing and life.  So I am anxious to find a small corner of the boat and curl up with this one.

The second book to check out is by Douglas Kennedy.  The Woman in the Fifth.  I bought this at the Relay at the airport in Paris and I searched Barnes & Noble.com and it didn't come up.  But it comes up at Amazon.co.uk.  It is a UK publication but hopefully if you're interested you might find it.  From the back cover:

Harry Ricks is a man who lost everything.  A romantic mistake at the small American college where he used to teach has cost him his job, his marriage and his relationship with his only child.  When the ensuing scandal threatens to completely destroy him, he flees to Paris.

Harry arrives in the French capital in the bleak midwinter and finds himself a job as a nightwatchman for a sinister operation.  Just when he thinks that he has hit rock bottom, he meets Margit - an elegant, cultivated Hungarian émigré - widowed and, like Harry, alone.  But though Harry is soon smitten, Margit keeps her distance.  She will only see him at her apartment in the fifth arrondissement, and is guarded about her work, her past, her life. When a man is found dead and the police look to Harry, he finds himself waking up in a nightmare from which there is no easy escape.

Really, now doesn't that sound interesting!  So those are my picks for hitting the beach and hopefully I'll get a chance to tackle them.  The third book I want to mention I read some ten years ago maybe but I just was really taken with this woman's story.  It's a memoir and maybe hard to read because of the topic but I found her struggle wonderfully real and brave.  She was featured as the local author at my B&N in Philadelphia.  I did briefly mention this book in my post here this summer.  But now I want to include it for RWBM.

So pick number three: Where is the Mango Princess? by Cathy Crimmins.  It's been reprinted with a new cover in paperback and is available at Target and other booksellers. From the back cover:

Humorist Cathy Crimmins has written a deeply personal, wrenching, and often hilarious account of the effects of traumatic brain injury, not only on the victim, in this case her husband, but on the family.

When her husband Alan is injured in a speedboat accident, Cathy Crimmins reluctantly assumes the role of caregiver and learns to cope with the person he has become. No longer the man who loved obscure Japanese cinema and wry humor, Crimmins' husband has emerged from the accident a childlike and unpredictable replica of his former self with a short attention span and a penchant for inane cartoons. Where Is the Mango Princess? is a breathtaking account that explores the very nature of personality-and the complexities of the heart.

So put down the computer and pick up a book this week.  I hope maybe you'll consider one of the books above.  If you do, be sure to let me know what you thought!

Friday Time Again! (And Friday the 13th!)

It's time to play Candid Carrie's Photo Friday!  Grab some pictures and link up over at Carrie's and see who else is playing today.  It's addictive good fun for everyone!

Some pictures from my random driving the other day, the moon Wednesday morning and of course the Chick!  Too cute or what?  (All text was added at picnik.com, a highly addictive site!)

And of course I have to tell you about What Are You Wearing? over at Tiara's & Tantrums!  I haven't been playing the last few weeks because let's face it, Ms Tiara looks so stinkin' good I don't want to post myself!  So head over and check it out.

Okay okay, after my whole be brave speech on another blog I'll be brave.  Here I am today (I was trying to inflect spring despite the snow falling outside.)  And excuse the shirt, after only an hour I am already wrinkled.

Favorite Tom Tailor jeans 20 euros from Kaufhof (I've blogged that before), shirt from H&M 15 euros, Esprit flats 40 euros.  And Hubby brought me a Norwegian Kroner to add to my Danish Kroner on my necklace that I made.  So the key charm is sandwiched in between the coins on the leather string.

Economic survey results are in yesterdays post and tomorrow will be Reading With Blogging Mama.  So check back for some good recommended reading.  You can click the link for past reading selections.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Results of Economic Downturn Post

Response Results from my post Economic Downturn: What Are Your Thoughts?

I took bits of some of the comments and I am pasting them below.  You can find my comments at the bottom of the post.

From Rebel in Missouri:

Our grocery prices have gone up a lot, supposedly because of gas prices, which I can understand. Now that the gas prices are down groceries are still up, they now say it is because wages have gone up. I don't know one person who got a wage increase.

In this country we just need to learn to live with less stuff. We need to relearn the basics and teach our children that havin' everything you want is NOT essential to your happiness.

Synergy Girl said:

Economy…What economy?  Everyone is affected whether they realize it or not..personally, yes, we have been through his job and obtaining health insurance

Jules at It’s Just Me in N. Minnesota said:

I do wonder if employed people are being “scared” into believing.  I think a lot of people are still fine and are being frightened into this crisis…

Complicated Momma said:

…but the prices of everything going up and the qty in packages going down has definitely made a difference to us…

The whole Economic Crisis is just depressing…I think I need to go eat another Girl Scout Cookie. Haha

Melissa at Multi-Tasking Mama said:

My hubby just got his hours cut from 40-32.  This will be difficult for us but so many of our friends have lost their jobs entirely we are just thankful he still has one.

And, we don’t open out 401k statements right now for fear we would faint.

Vailian (expat) said:

Interest rates were too low over the last 10 years or so, the banks got lazy about checking who was creditworthy, and at the same time got even greedier.

Given the size of the recession, I am fairly lucky, but I am still worried about what will happen to my orchestra in the next couple of years, and of course I worry about job openings for my kids. (God forbid they want to move in here again…)

Brenna said:

As far as postponing, we basically live day to day.  We budget as best we can but don’t make any real long term plans because of the instability.

Alyson at New England Living said:

I've felt such a blues over the economy and then when my husband and I looked very closely over the numbers, we aren't doing all that differently than in a normal economy. The media has definitely had a negative impact on the American psyche.

Irish Gumbo said:

1: Worse.

2: He can help, but it can't be done by him alone.

3: Laid off last December. Erk.

I found the results of my questions very interesting.  Almost everyone said the crisis had some sort of effect on them personally.  And for others it was someone they knew who was affected.  What I think is that there are a lot of people out there seriously scared and worried about what is going to happen next.  I don’t follow enough of the discussion to have an opinion on the stimulus package and whether it’s good or bad (though I was surprised at the “stop printing money” comments several of you made, I hadn’t expected opposition to it).

As for us personally we know a lot of people who lost their jobs.  With my husbands employer having closed (with very few exceptions) all domestic service in the US, this means if we want to go home in 13 months, there will be no job there for us to go to.  That is an incredibly distressing thought (hubby says stop worrying but I certainly can’t help it).

I feel for every one of you who have lost a job, might lose a job or have a spouse who lost a job.  So many bloggers I read have lost jobs and are out of work.  (Incidentally Clark Kent’s Lunchbox needs input from out of work dads.  Please see the PSA and link in my sidebar for info or click the above link!)  It is very hard to think about all the people struggling in what is supposed to be the ‘greatest country’.   I hope each of you has a redeeming story somewhere down the line.  If you do and if things get better (or worse) please come back and tell me about it.  I’d love to post a “What’s Happened Since” post about all of you who have commented.  I left in the couple of humorous asides in a few of the above comments.  Everyone needs a good laugh.  

Vailian if your kids move back in maybe Complicated Momma can send you some Girl Scout Cookies!

Thank you for sharing your stories with me!

As I Sit: Random Ramblings

My funk has grown over the last few days.  I just got my first agent rejection on my book (Yippee!  Oh Wonderful!  Keeping humor about it as you can see).  I guess I shouldn't expect to get picked up the first time I made a query but still, rejection hurts.  They said it wasn't right for what they represent (what.e.ver) but it was my first (and only) time I submitted my work. So back on the horse I go.  I have plenty more agents on my list.  One down 500 to go.

But I've been in a funk these past few days for other reasons too, not unusual for the winter here because it's cold and rainy or snowy.  It becomes dark at an unreasonable hour and my world just seems to get crabbier.  I wanted to post about how Germany isn't so bad and yesterday as I drove along, my first random drive in awhile I came up with this post:

Depression?  Melancholy? Self-reflection?  Careful it's going around.  It seems there is no shortage of any of these things happening in the blogger world these days and there is sometimes little to be happy about.  The economy is a wreck, people are losing jobs in the thousands, bread and milk (the staples of life) are becoming more expensive, packages are shrinking in size but the price isn't.  The weather has been atrocious with ice and snow storms, fires and disaster all around.  The weather here certainly doesn't make me all perky these days.  

As I drive home from the city today where I went in search of vacation stuff, where I didn't even visit Starbucks one of my few American treats I allow myself every time I go to city center, I find myself having driven forty minutes past my exit.  Baby Chick is safely ensconced in her carseat happily untying her shoes and hasn't made a peep.  The music is good, playing on the iPod a feel good/feel bad mix of Lady Antebellum, Colbie Calliert, Erin McCarley and the car is hugging the close curves of the road as I drive between the river and the mountainside.  The dusty corners of my brain are in need of probing these days.  Inner reflection isn't likely to become a popular sport while driving, there is the danger factor of paying attention to the road.  But for me, if I'm in a funk, a good drive with loud music usually helps.

In my pre-mom-wife life I drove to Boston from Philadelphia (an 8 hour task) because I liked to drive and a friend was missing her at-the-moment-boyfriend.  I had a car.  I had music.  We were good to go.  I seemed to find and make friends with people who lived no where near me in college (and beyond) simply because I enjoyed driving to North Carolina, New Jersey, Washington DC.  Like I say, I drive to relax and think.

This was my first drive time for the purpose of driving in quite awhile.  Despite what it might seem I am fully aware of the $80 it costs to fill up my small four door sedan.  (No joke as it's about 1.13 euros a liter x 4 to get a rough per gallon estimate and there you go).  I had some thoughts on this drive.  Are you ready?  Because what I have to say I figured out is going to be entirely shocking.

Germany (might) not be as bad as I always say.

I know.  I was shocked too.  But here was what I was thinking.  I only have 1 year and 19 days left here.  And I haven't seen anything yet.  Sure we've been some places around Germany, not many though.  Have I really explored all that I could explore?  That Benedictine Abbey is still waiting for me to explore it's beautiful buildings.  And those monks make Siegburger Abtei-Likör, too, kinda cool if you think about it.  A mere twenty to thirty minute drive.  I've been saying that I'm going for almost three years now.  Maybe it's time I did.

There are a lot of things I was reminded of this week by fellow bloggers.  For instance, I have the ability to see so many things because of where I live.  That is very true.  Paris and London are a mere one hour flight away.  I've been to each of them.  I also have access to good German beer.  This is very true too.  I do enjoy a good Kolsch now and then (though it's been awhile, that being more biergarten weather drinking anyway).

As I drove I saw the hills with what I know come summer will be vines of grapes to make the wonderful local wines.  The commercial boats passing by on the Rhine loaded with so many things.  Have you ever sat and watched a boat pass by?  Try it.  It is ultimately relaxing (as a side note, don't do it while driving please!)  There was something about the look of the hills and the river and the feel of the steering wheel beneath my hands, the purr of the engine, I don't know but it made me think.  Germany maybe doesn't suck as much as I think it does.  After all last week there was a tractor parked outside my house and last night while making dinner there were a group of horses going down the street (with riders, we live near a riding school).  All things I doubt I'd have seen back in my old Maryland neighborhood.

Maybe all I really needed was a (mental) smack upside the head to remind myself that this life I have here is pretty gosh darn good.  I'm doing things and seeing things a lot of people would love to be doing.

Of course today it's raining.  And next week we go on vacation and I'll have to start the (mental) smack upside the head all over again.  So if I start moaning about Germany can you all smack me upside the head with your shovels?  

viel Dank und mit freundlichen Grüßen

Two on Tuesday with Blogging Mama

There was a small issue with the page but it is fixed now, so please won't you play along today?

Welcome to the very first Two on Tuesday with Blogging Mama!  A brand new weekly event on the site I hope you will be willing to jump in and participate in today and every Tuesday.  You can grab your code for my cute little button over to the right. (Thanks Sis for being the first.)

I started Two on Tuesday because in compiling my Daily Inspiration for Posts list I saw that Tuesday didn’t have anything.  How sad!  I mean Monday is always the day after the weekend, it gets plenty of attention (see Not Me Monday’s at MckMamas!).  Wednesday has Hump day after all and several weekly events like Wordful Wednesday at Seven Clown Circus and Wordless Wednesday at Cecily and MamaGeek.  Thursday of course is the day before Friday so it gets a lot of special attention too.  Sometimes Thursday gets treated extra special like a  Friday when a three day weekend is involved.  It is also Thankful Thursday at Grace Alone.  Friday of course is celebrated for being Friday the fun day, the kickoff to the weekend.  It also plays host to Candid Carrie’s Photo Friday, What Are You Wearing? at Tiara’s & Tantrums, and Photostory Friday also hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek.

So that left poor lonely Tuesday.  I had to step in and step up and help little old Tuesday out.  No one wants to be left all alone.  Here’s what we are going to be doing on Tuesdays:

It's Tuesday!  So that means it's time for a new game.  I'll post two questions (or two something, the theme is Two) on Tuesday morning (which for a lot of you is middle of the night Monday).  Answer the two questions I post either on your own site or in the comments.   Afterwards put Two on Tuesday on your own site.  I even made a pretty little button for the event.  Feel free to snag it but make sure to link it back to me so everyone knows you’re participating.  Leave a comment so I can come over and check it all out!  I will link your site in my blog post if you play along.

Two on Tuesday with Blogging Mama

Pick three people, alive or dead, that you would most want to invite over for dinner in your home.

I'm posting a picture.  Tell me what you see (be descriptive, create a paragraph)

My answers:

Chevy Chase because he is so funny and I grew up watching his movies.  Not just the Lampoons series but has anyone seen Fletch?  Pure genius.

Claude Monet because I love love love his work.  I've been to his former home in Giverny France and it was amazing.  I'd love to know more about him.

Dave Matthews because I've seen him three times in concert and I love his music.  A private concert would be worth whipping up any meal he wanted!

A picture description:

The ripe plump deep purple globes, grapes they call them but the end result makes them seem like so much more than ordinary fruit.  As they hang on the vine in summer the warm air that wafts past smells like the juice the fruit contains.  Sweet and soft.  But if I were to remove a grape and put it in my mouth it would not be the heavenly delight I seek, it would be bitter.  At the top of the hill sits a stand to look out over the valley of wine growers below.  The grapevines climb the side of the hill defying the logic of gravity.  Come October I know these hills will be full of laborers clinging to the mountside picking the fruit that will become the wine.  Fresh from the vine in the valley is a stand in front of a small dwelling, both home and shop.  A friendly winegrower sells her vintage out front offering conversation and a taste of her wares to all who pass by.  Who am I to resist such temptation?

So tell me, how would you have answered Two on Tuesday this week?